dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize