You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
God, I missed his penis.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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