I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
