Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
