we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
