Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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