i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
that is very illegal...i love you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
