Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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