i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize