I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
