I like to think it a success when the cops are called
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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