I want you more than these girls want KFC
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
