I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
