who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
