dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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