one word: firstdatebathroomanal
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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