hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
