If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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