what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
