soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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