I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize