So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Couch. On fire.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
