It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drunk is not a location!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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