I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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