Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
