I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
