I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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