help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
