He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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