I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
