Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
