She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
