oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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