He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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