ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
