so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
