I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ladies don't puke and tell
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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