Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
