How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
