today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
