Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
