I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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