I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
