Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
