well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
