i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
