I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
