goodnight i made you a song goodbye
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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