I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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