im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
