I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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