what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
