Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
