don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
