I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"it" just moved
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
