the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
