New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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