Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
