This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
