If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize