The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
