wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
