you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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