i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
