Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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