So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
