What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
