Farmville is her only friend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
