Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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