I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize