Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
