I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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