just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
