Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
