Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
