i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
