yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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