my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it because I queefed?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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