you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
