see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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