Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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