Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The best revenge is premature balding
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
