I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
