i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You have to summon your inner elephant
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize