The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
